Never Take Nasuada To the Movies
by h.l.stealth
Summary: Poor Murtagh got drunk again... and took a dare form Arya and Eragon! Mission: Take Nasuada to the movies and survive. Easier said then done... On the border between T and M, just warning. A funny MurtaghxNasuada. Most likely oneshot.


**Title: Never Take Nasuada to the Movies**

**Summary: Murtagh has to take Nasuada to the movies on a dare. She chooses everything and he has to go along. Cheese on popcorn, a chick-flick thing. What could be worse? You find out.**

**a/n - I was reading about the shortage of MutaghxNasuada fic and I just found that I'm not to shabby in making funny Eragon fics. What's funnier then Murtagh taking Nasuada to a movie and constantly wishing he hadn't been drunk when he took the dare? Not a lot. A fair bit of cursing and some... strange themes. I think a T rating will be good but correct me at will. Don't own Eragon.**

_Thorn, I'm worried._ Murtagh thought, straightening his suit one more time. Or, uh, Gallabotrix's suit. Thorn had distracted the king and his dragon while Murtagh slipped into his room and stole a suit.

The king's room was not pretty. As he had sifted through the king's HUUUUUUUUGGGGGEEEEEE variety of suits (and, damn, he had a lot of them) he saw a box in the back of the closet. The natrual question popped up, What the hell is in the box? Porn magazines were the answer. Murtagh almost barfed all over them when he slammed the box shut and sprinted out of the room, clutching his hurt eyes in the process.

_You should be. You were as drunk as a dwarf on a Saturday night when you accepted the dare. Even the most trained elf can't stand Nasuada when she's watching a movie. I hear that she sings along when a song comes on. _Murtagh groaned. He hated people who did that.

"How do I look?" He asked, presenting himself quite handsomly to Thorn.

_If I were a human and a girl, I'd do you right away. _Was the disturbing answer he got. Murtagh frowned deeply before heading out of the door with a chuckling Thorn.

He clambered upon the hot sauce-red dragon. Thorn took off, flying Murtagh to his doom.

A few minutes passed. _Are we there yet? _Murtagh asked.

_No._

_How 'bout now?_

_Nope._

_Now?_

_You drunk?_

_I wish._

(xxx)

Murtagh whimpered as Nasuada started up her moter. Eragon must have left when he dropped her off at the theatre. _Smart guy._ Thorn thought-talked.

_Okay, no talking to me in the movie unless I thought-talk to you first. Okay?_

_Party-pooper._

_Are you drunk Thorn?_

_As wasted as can be!_

Murtagh sighed as he was dragged into his execu- the movie.

(xxx)

They were twenty minutes into the movie. _Thorn, I'm dying. I feel my heart shrivling up into a black ba-_

_You sound emo Murtagh. Stop!_

_I am emo._

_What the ...?! I thought I chose a perfectly emo-free rider in my egg! Was I wrong?_

_Well duh._

_Eat your popcorn, noob!_

_I'm not a noob. And I don't like cheese._

A brief pause. _She put cheese on the poopcorn?_

_Yeah._

_Eww... you must have been **really **drunk!_

Murtagh growled which made Nasuada turn her head.

"What do you think of the movie?" She asked, leaning in toward Murtagh and grabbing his arm. He tried to pull it away but she dug her claws deep into Gallabortrix's suit.

"It's wonderful." He said, giving her a fake smile.

She smiled sweetly. "Good. Now have some popcorn."

"Uh, no thanks."

"Eat the damn popcorn Murtagh!" She growled. Murtagh ate some popcorn, feeling his stomach curl up into a black ball.

They returned to the movie that could hardly be called a movie. Murtagh slipped his hands into the pockets of the suit and felt something. Something slippery. Something...

He pulled it out. It was a thong. A bright red thong that matched the color of Thorn. He grimanced and tried his best to shove it back in Gallabortrix's pocket but Nasuada was like a cat on caffine and caught it.

"What. The. Hell. Is. This.?" She asked, becoming as red as the thong and Thorn.

"Are you blind? It's clearly a thong," Murtagh said. He instantly wished he hadn't. Nasuada started screaming. The couple that had been glued to each other in front of them turned and shh'd them but Nasuada was already going.

"**HOW $&$ DARE YOU MURTAGH?!**" She shrieked. The movie stopped as everyone in the theather turned to look at the scene, which was way better then the crap that the movie presented.

"**YOU TAKE ME OUT TO A &$& MOVIE AND WON'T EAT THE $&$ POPCORN, WON'T && KISS ME, WON'T DO $&$ ANYTHING AND THEN I FIND YOU HAD A &$ THORN-COLORED &$& THONG IN YOUR &$& POCKET?!**" She was completely enraged now and started ripping up the floor with insane strength. Her red turn to green. Her slim body became much larger. At the same time, Thorn popped in.

_What did you _doHe asked.

_I found a bright red thong in Gallabortrix's pocket. _He held it up.

_Ooh! That's my color. whoever Gallabotrix did, she sure had good taste._

_I dunno if it was a she Thorn..._

A pause. _Eww..._

Meanwhile, Hulk-Nasuada was tearing up the theater. Everyone was watching and actually laughing. Murtagh over-heard a couple talking about how this was way better then the movie.

_Let's go Thorn._

_Agreed._

Murtagh got on Thorn as fast as possible and they zoomed out of the chaotic theater.

_I guess I failed that dare._

_Actually, no. Eragon and Arya said you have to take Nasuada to a movie. They never said you had to complete it. So, you won!_

A pause.

_I think we're going to have to have a talk with Gallabotrix. _Thorn thought.

Murtagh gulped. _Take a right here._

_What's there?_

_A bar._

_I like the way you think, emo kid._

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**I can't believe my _dad _thought of this. I just spruced it up a bit. It's kind of funny but mostly... just me typing stuff. I think I misspelled a lot of names but I don't have my book at my house and I'm too lazy to look it up.**


End file.
